it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
