I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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