finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
