textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
