You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
