I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
