I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
