I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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