who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
