The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
