WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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