Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
