I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
