We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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