dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
