Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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