i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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