I cannot find my penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
