I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
