we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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