Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
