I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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