I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
