ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
