sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
