I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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