I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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