In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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