Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
too bad you live with your parents still
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
