ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
