I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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