Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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