she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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