i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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