Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
