just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
