So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
