after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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