Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
