The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
