He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
