My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
