i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Threesome in a minivan. New low
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
