dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
