I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
