my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
