I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize