hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
