Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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