somebody snuck up and got me drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every concussion has its silver lining
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
