I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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