U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
