So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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