The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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