The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How external is "for external use only"?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
