did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I still have a little drunk in my system
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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