smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
