im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
