: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
