went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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