oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
