What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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