yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it glows. i had to have it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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