Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
