it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
