Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
