i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
