So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
