you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How external is "for external use only"?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
