Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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