I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
