You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The best revenge is premature balding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
