accomplished twins. life is a go
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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