Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
