I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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