I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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