May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
