I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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