Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
