my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
