Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
